Tuesday, April 28, 2009


"You are precious in my sight. You are Mine.
His name is written on my forehead, and my name is written on the palm of His hand. He is mine, and I am His. 
so take my body if you please, and try, try and take all of me. but my soul He keeps. my soul He keeps. i am my Beloved's and he is mine.  
I don't want to waste my time living on the outside
I'm going to live from the inside out."

i just put bits of peices of videos that i had taken on my phone and stuf and mashed them together. i don't really care if it's pointless = P, but i figured i'd do something with them.
The movie Patch Adams has always been good, it makes me tear. i think i get way too into movies.  
And by chance,  who is going to the show with confide and hope for tomorrow on Tuesday ?

good times
i love you, and goodnight 

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Eternity is my Home

i can't pinpoint the place in which it all sprouted from, or why it even made me so upset today, although it's been lingering on my shoulders for quite a time now, and emerges at times. I was more sad, than angry honestly. I don't think i'll ever have that confidence i've always wanted with you or be able to bring anything to you that's on my  mind or heart, you just push it away. Today i guess it swelled in me while we were there. Maybe expressing when i'm hurt to you isn't the grandest idea anylonger, it feels like it just spreads the gap farther. Even though it used to tare me down, the bringing up of my past inflictions, or the putting down of my intentions and goal purposes, as easy as it would be to let myself drown in self pitty, to let my tongue totally fly off the handle, but i refuse to sink back down. It's not worth it.

i hope so much for you to inhale a breath of fresh air. to exhale what's become of it all. to be created anew, and step out of what you're used to. even though i feel pushed aside by you, i will bless you

 i might not meet up to your standards or the succession of what your perception of "success" is in life, and it's not that i  expect you to support or understand the things i choose to do with my life, but i just wish you knew how much it means to me, and knew the desire i have to pursue my purpose.  And that the goals i chase after might not give me a whole basket full of financial support ,or a stable, predictable, safe small box life, i don't want to waste my life piling up pride and fortune, things that don't matter and just get left behind. But i have faith for oppurtunities that will give me moments to impact, and oppurtunities to go everywhere, and experience things, feel incredible things, impact peoples lives for the better, ENJOY living, the things that reside and carry on for eternity ,that actually matter. whatever oppurtunities God gives me i'm going to run after. This won't be practical, This won't be easy, this won't be stable, i want to be shaken. I will no longer curl up in a comfort zone, or conform to the things of this world. 
On my own, in myself, i am not strong. He is the strength that lives in me . I used to try to build myself so high, so tough, but over and over all flesh will fail.

You said there was nothing left down here
Well I roamed around the wasteland
And I swear I found something
I found hope, I found God
I found the dreams of the believers

i have so much more i could say

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Your love is like the ocean

I'm drowning in your presence, getting lost in the gaze of your eyes.

we're finally in the new house, i'm so glad ( =
 no furniture yet though hah, but it's all good.
I haven't been able to post blogs really lately, these fast couple weeks were crazy full. But OneThing last weekend, was so incredible. I'm so ready to go again ,there's no place i love to be more than an atmosphere so strong and powerful, where anything can happen .
-i miss Chelsi = ( <3>
I'm going to write more in a bit, there's a choir thing today, and the elder ladies that were clogging at soundcheck were actually pretty good X P haha. 
Excuse me, I'm going to continue dancing wildly in this empty house.

want to dance a beautiful dance, want to drink from your cup of romance

Monday, April 13, 2009

Who made up these rules anyway ?

living in fear until we pull back the scab and show someone the wound. a sense of regret comes into play, it tries to put an anchor here, in fear. it fights for my mind, so it can lurk into my heart. it fights for our minds, so it can lurk into our  hearts.
I'm laying this down tonight.

"Let's do this for each other.    Let's do this for truth.    I give for you,   you give for me.    I give for you,   you give for me.
Let me take you somewhere,    Somewhere I cannot explain.
Let me take you, wanna take you,    Somewhere I cannot explain.
I'm stumbling right in front of you.    Now!    I won't refrain from guiding you there.
Normal's not so,
Normal is not so far.
Was it just a dream?   Or something much more?    We are not alone.    Since you agreed to follow.
It's all in my head,   if you want,   you can look inside.    There's nothing but red and all the mess I've been.
It's all in the way I say what I don't mean,   and mean what I don't.
I need to speak of you and what is real.
They will never understand,   What eats at our insides.   It's all in my head,   if you want,   you can look inside.
There's nothing but red and all the mess I've been.
It's all in the way I say what I don't mean,   and mean what I don't.
I need to speak of you."

the harmonies are alluring

Games that never amount
To more than themselves
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time, raise your hopeful voice
You had the choice, you've made it now

i've been writing down all my dreams i have in the middle of the night, and then i wake up and read it i'm like, that was crazy. i don't remember that = P. it's actually a fantastic thing to do .    sleep well <3

Saturday, April 11, 2009

oh, how i thirst for you

Yesterday my madre took me to see the house we're going to rent. To be honest, my favorite part about going was that there were peacocks there =O i was like whaaa, i love them XD . This morning people came to pick up all my furniture in my room we sold. so the room is completely vacant. i actually quite like living and sleeping in an empty room . I'm going to jacksonville for the weekend, i already miss the people i spent some of the week with . I hope you guys have a swell easter weekend =D

we should dance like this again ( =
" Though my body may perish , it is only a shadow. it's only a shadow."

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

When the flame is gone, the fire remains

Today , was incredible. I went to Braydenton or down by there with trevor and we visited some amazing people. we picked up Lucas who lives there and went to the beach. i got a lil tan eh? but that was from sunday at the beach when it was supa nice weather. But yeah today it was pretty cloudy, but none the less awesome, it was warm and all the wind actually made it so much better because it made huge waves, and we all just drifted out in them . Plus there wasn't anyone else really there. On our way back to the villages we all chilled and played music ,and Lucas is an amazing singer =o and brought along the guitar in the car. i enjoy car trips ( =
( i somehow always bring up the weather when i'm talking to someone , no i'm not old or have akward conversational issues i just happen to enjoy talking about it, and i love the florida sky )
The best part of the day was going to The Front which is like a youth outreach. I was so stirred throughout the night. when i'm at a place like that when i can just worship and move the way i want and freely , i'm just so moved by God. What can i say, i like to dance, to MOVE for real. I really didn't want to leave when we had to , but es pretty dang far away from here. But I' ll tell you what , I got messsed up tonight. i love being in a place where i can just scream my lungs out if i want to, like release. i feel so on fire , and when i left that place i decided i was taking the fire with me, and i'm not going back to what i used to be. being so timid, so constrained. And dragged out for so long on the same old crap that i thought had been wiped out , when all the while it was wiping me out. It'll still take time, but I was ready to release cause that's the only way i had to go, or else i'd be swinging downward. I was so tired of just being hindered by things ,when i wanted and needed to be somewhere real,  and to be someone real.  Not bored,  not fake , not religious , not bound by things. 
  i know at times we're all hypocrits and liars and sinners, but we're forgetting our forgiveness. and it's undying. 
The dude who spoke tnight , said everything crazy dead on, he was raw.

i've realized that i'm bad at explaining things, like when i'm talking to people in general. i like actually stutter hah, but i have so much i'd like to talk about, i just suck at puting things into words.  I love listening to people though, So let's hang.
Some things you just have to experience for yourself to know. No, everything really, i believe so

"With anything you're going after with a force of a hurricane , many people are not going to support you , they'll try to shut it down and tell you you're wrong. When all hell breaks loose against you, it's trying to distract you because it knows something amazing for you is about to happen . Some might not understand what you're doing with your life or with your decision, they'll do everything they can to keep you bound. "
I'm going to do radical things.

tomorrow or today since its already just about four a.m is going to be a blasty blast . thats sounds like julian haha . But i feel incredibly relaxed, and alive. .i'm thinking i should get me some shut eye now though. sleep good ! 
my eyes are closing

Sunday, April 5, 2009

And if i paint the sky with bronze

would it dry and keep you here tonight. 

I'm excited for this week  ( = . spring break will be great.
If i could drive right now i'd be going places on impulse in a split second and any given time of day. JULY =D want to join ?

On Monday hopefully going to the ocean with trevor and austin . Oh...you know there'll be mexican fiesta music and latino rap dancing going down on that car trip no doubt. and i do not care what the weather people say. it shall be sunny, hot and unwindy !

"You loved it when my heart dropped, paused, stopped, and walked away
full of content that it went your way

these cuts that i've caused are never to deep to heal
peel back the bandage, see a scar from countless careless things

feel yourself drifting, pulled away

well nothing feels real anymore
i'm not taking my time anymore
to show you how i feel
to show you who i am
cause it's locked away

now head towards the light, the dark has no place here

the things we think about at night never lose taste
take the close to find something greater
this wall has finally reached its end
its higher ground, lets make a stand
did you ever think we would get this high
pull back the sheets to find a ending that you prayed for.

now head towards the light, the dark has no place here."

i had so much i was going to type here = P..but i don't feel like blahbling this morn( =
have a fantastic day <3