Tuesday, April 7, 2009

When the flame is gone, the fire remains



Today , was incredible. I went to Braydenton or down by there with trevor and we visited some amazing people. we picked up Lucas who lives there and went to the beach. i got a lil tan eh? but that was from sunday at the beach when it was supa nice weather. But yeah today it was pretty cloudy, but none the less awesome, it was warm and all the wind actually made it so much better because it made huge waves, and we all just drifted out in them . Plus there wasn't anyone else really there. On our way back to the villages we all chilled and played music ,and Lucas is an amazing singer =o and brought along the guitar in the car. i enjoy car trips ( =
( i somehow always bring up the weather when i'm talking to someone , no i'm not old or have akward conversational issues i just happen to enjoy talking about it, and i love the florida sky )
The best part of the day was going to The Front which is like a youth outreach. I was so stirred throughout the night. when i'm at a place like that when i can just worship and move the way i want and freely , i'm just so moved by God. What can i say, i like to dance, to MOVE for real. I really didn't want to leave when we had to , but es pretty dang far away from here. But I' ll tell you what , I got messsed up tonight. i love being in a place where i can just scream my lungs out if i want to, like release. i feel so on fire , and when i left that place i decided i was taking the fire with me, and i'm not going back to what i used to be. being so timid, so constrained. And dragged out for so long on the same old crap that i thought had been wiped out , when all the while it was wiping me out. It'll still take time, but I was ready to release cause that's the only way i had to go, or else i'd be swinging downward. I was so tired of just being hindered by things ,when i wanted and needed to be somewhere real,  and to be someone real.  Not bored,  not fake , not religious , not bound by things. 
  i know at times we're all hypocrits and liars and sinners, but we're forgetting our forgiveness. and it's undying. 
The dude who spoke tnight , said everything crazy dead on, he was raw.

i've realized that i'm bad at explaining things, like when i'm talking to people in general. i like actually stutter hah, but i have so much i'd like to talk about, i just suck at puting things into words.  I love listening to people though, So let's hang.
Some things you just have to experience for yourself to know. No, everything really, i believe so

"With anything you're going after with a force of a hurricane , many people are not going to support you , they'll try to shut it down and tell you you're wrong. When all hell breaks loose against you, it's trying to distract you because it knows something amazing for you is about to happen . Some might not understand what you're doing with your life or with your decision, they'll do everything they can to keep you bound. "
I'm going to do radical things.

tomorrow or today since its already just about four a.m is going to be a blasty blast . thats sounds like julian haha . But i feel incredibly relaxed, and alive. .i'm thinking i should get me some shut eye now though. sleep good ! 
my eyes are closing

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