Sunday, August 16, 2009

Hello beautiful people,

Let's dance in the car :D

Saturday, August 8, 2009

"Open up your heart, and let me in 
I am aching with love for you 
Open up your heart, and let me in , 
I am longing for you " 

oh ! by the way this fun , isn't this happy 

This stupid sickness shall be done NOW. yes ! nomo coughing that sounds like a man who just ate two chilidogs doing low growls and pig squeals. i'm very much over that . I shall get my license, finally go see all you beautiful people and whoever is up for a joyous time, or just would like me to pick them up i'd love to ! 
i have declared that many times, i know. i'm sorry for coming back sick and failing my first time, i just mess everything up don't i ! freakin......
even if school starts soon, it's going to be amazing. i think we should have a day where we always go somewhere after that school day, like every wedensday or something random in the middle of the week , or even the begining. something. but we should all go somewhere and eat and talk and make it a lil tradition type thing :D, i think it would be fun anyway. i'm not sure where though, i'm thinkin the OGarden baby .  if anyone would like to do that with me let's doooooo itttttttttt
And no doubt i'm going to be going to Sarasota alot, it's my home . so i'm thinking you should come with me ! and Charlie goes too . there's so much to do there.

i just erased so much i think i'm going delirious, i'm going to go now .
i love you guys so much 

"I will not leave you orphaned. i'm coming back. in just a little while the world will no longer see me, but you're going to see me because i'm alive and you're about to come alive. I don't leave you the way you're used to being left, feeling abandoned, bereft, so don't be upset. don't be distraught. I love you, I'm coming back "

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Hey ,I really like soup.


There is a light that shines within me
there is a hope that burns inside me
deep within my soul, my very existence
there is a being waiting to be freed

a child who knows no fear, pain, or rejection
there is an emotion all encompassing
of excitement, joyfullness, gladness, and love

with the creative potential of laughter
and the undeniable power of an infants joy live inside me
unmeasurable are my limits for i call you Father
unimaginable my potential for You have called me son

there is someone inside of me waiting to be unleashed
whom You embraced
whom i long to be

there is an all-consuming fire
a light that permeates from my very being
You have unlocked me God
and the doors You opened no man can shut

i will praise You for all my days for You are good
You have released me God with Your love
You are everything

Monday, July 20, 2009

I am a voice

Mission 941 was incredible, God is so faithful ! and so much happened on that trip, like crazy stuff i want to share with you guys sometime.
I love homeless people !
Hopefully getting my lisence Thursday, hitting up that 09 list with Arry and Pals !
and i have alot more things we can do in mind.
Me and Chawlie are doing a photoshoot for two people tomorrow, his photography is actually starting to become a business, which is so exciting ! and i love helping people get their hair and makeup ready.
i love running now
i can't wait for warped to just be over honestly, i'm ready to hit some good shows for real. maybe we shall drive to Georgia for the ATF across the nation tour,with emarosa and burden of a day and more :D i'm dying to see Underoath and Showbread and others as well hioefully soon por favor.
Sorry I had to say all that really fast, and i dont get on here much anymore but call me and we shall converse, glide in the ocean, eat lots of breadsticks, make fiiiiiyyyaaa !, eat m&m sandwiches, go kayaking!, dance in the street and stick frenchfries up our noses, 352-504-1026

I miss and love all of you beautiful people so much, let's go hit the beaches and go do treasure hunts, amazing treasure hunts Oh man.

Awesome spelnder, glorious majesty, faithful father..gorgeous face

Sunday, June 28, 2009

no i'm not dead
Though,  i'm dying to myself right now. 

my computer is a wee sick so i havent been able to blog like id like to on this one.

"If you listen just right, you can almost hear it.
The symphony of secrecy, love and fear.
(search for love, but finding fear.)

Like a moth to a flame, we become helpless
To the beautiful ghosts
That true love sheds.

We are all running our very own races,
Set out upon the most dangerous of places.
And through it all, we were left
With a void in our chests,
We're aching to fill.

The doves come
To gather our every need,
They lift them up to Heaven
Through the mouths from which we speak.

God, will you help us understand the meaning of it all?
Will you send your Angels down to us, at our every call?
Sometimes it seems the world is passing us
Faster than my eyes can adjust.

I can't decide
If I'm living or I'm dying.
So I test your love and I test your love, I test your love.

The doves come
To gather our every need,
They lift them up to Heaven
Through us now...
The doves come
To gather our every need,
They lift them up to Heaven
Through the mouths from which we speak.

Like a moth to a flame, we become helpless
To the beautiful ghosts
That true love sheds "

i hope you know, i love you guys 

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I am yours, you are mine

Summer feels like one reallly long day. not in a bad way really, it just does. Once i start driving soon, we need to get at the summer 09 list ASAP Arry ! Tomorrow should be fantastic, going to the beach with fantastic people, and The Front .
Here's a little somethin i whipped up for you tonight. It's just kind of an experiment, i played around with the effects and clips on my computer, it's short. I'll be working on another joyful one soon though .

No medicine ever works on my body . It's all good.
i'm going to snuggle up in my blankets, make a mini pizza and ice cream , and watch Benjamin Button . I wish people were here ,and we could have a movie night, and i'd make you mini pizzas and icecream :D

I'll be up all night, we should talk
if not, i love you , sleep well

Monday, May 25, 2009

The voiceless break into song .

The numb break into feeling. 

i'm starting this movie very early in the morning, because it's pretty dang long.  I like it

Image Hosted by
Head towards the light, the darkness has no place here

I used to wonder if i'm really just fooling myself.
But then i realized that it's really my heart, what i think for myself, even if i'm the only one without, maybe i'm not meant to have that. and, that's alright with me. sometimes i get scared that i told myself i don't need it so many times, that because i say that, i'll always be without it, and never know it only because of my own mind getting in the way. i'm not desperate for it, it doesn't define my life, and sometimes i start to feel like i'm just missing it, but i feel selfish when i feel myself wanting this, because i know i'm not put on this earth to live for myself alone. But also, i was made for this. ? I'm just rambling/thinking/making no sense, = P. 
i just feel like maybe, i won't ever experience this in particular. But it will happen at the right time if it's supposed to.


What is this ? Where has it gone 
it's like we only think our cries and fears are our only emotions . And feel as if there's nothing after this , or even what's becoming of now. we touched the top of the mountain with our fingertips and relapse back into the stones.  Because everything is great until you find yourself at the end of the week, wondering what the heck you're doing, wondering how much time is left, thinking about how ultimately, no one can understand. mind is so uneasy. yes, no one knows the full extent of everyones mind and heart, does that mean we should all be silent from each other ?  i want to hear your voice . 

Image Hosted by

love you, and goodnight

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Chickity China the Chinese chicken

You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on

i always wanted to learn that song , but it was too fast the times i attempted X P.
i'll get it one day..

i love when people dance.

Thursday, May 14, 2009


world is big and empty
with tenticles and a mouth
The world is in my body
I'll tear the world out."

"Before there was anything
I loved you endlessly
There are no words to make way for this truth . This love for you inside of Me
And if I paint a sky with bronze , Or blanket you with stars
It's not enough to prove to you , This love inside My heart

What if I knit you together . Inside your mother, with artistry?
Crafted in My very image
Because I need you here with Me

What if I gave everything . Just to have you close to Me?
What if My love was the only truth. Would you believe it could set you free?

There isn't anything . That you could ever do
Not death or life, not depth or height
Can ever take My love from you

There is no greater love than this. That a man should lay his life Down for his friends
And though I already have, I'd do it all again

Regenerative are My bones and My skin. My nerves are dismayed by intrusion
Yet if you are gone, for short or for long, It all aches with no sought restitution

I would do anything for you, It's obvious and in plain view
Like the life that I've laid before you, Everything that I've done is for you

So look for me with open eyes
Knock and I will open the door
I have loved you before there was time
And I will love you forever more"
He longs for us

Let's throw down. I'm on my face. Let's hold each other till the darkness has fade. 

I want to write a story.  I want to make music.

Casting such a thin shadow

i don't even know how to feel when i listen to what he says in this video.. but it's powerful, it's painful, it's beautiful.

We will never understand everything. I long for the right timing for everything. This season  is all happening, for a reason.
for something Beautiful.

 Where are you...WHAT ARE WE  DOING

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Image Hosted by

i need summer to start, school to be over, all the stress on everyone to be gone. It couldn't come soon enough .
Let's go places :D
i don't believe that this summer is going to be boring, or dull, or lame. i feel like it's going to be full of life and the biggest breath of fresh air ( =
i have this craving to go to OneThing again, I want to do the LIFE walk whenever it comes again, Arry will go with me ( = ?
I have a craving.
Even things like, when you go through a drivethrough window and right before you leave say " you know, you have really pretty eyes" to the girl that's working, you couldve just made that persons day without knowing it.
i kind of think scrambledly and outloud so it might get confusing when i just leap to new subjects = P )
Things are going to change, maybe circumstances that i don't have control over that have been coming against me lately won't immediately, but the way i handle them and don't let them bind me will.  We're all going to break.  Everything will be shaken .
"Have you found what you've been looking for ?
it's never easy wanting something more
let me take you to this place
where temptation and fear have no hold
where love and faith is the only embrace
where we can finally break, and be built anew
because here our flesh is like stone , letting no one in
meanwhile our insides are cracking, my heart is a melted tomb
i failed you, you failed me
well it's not over, no it's not over the voices keep ringing in my ear
but we've proven them wrong, and we'll leave them with no satisfaction
let's walk , go somewhere we're both so unfamiliar
where we can finally break. "

i remember after the first time i watched this movie i was like, i'm going to be one of those coastguard rescue swimmers

today will be swell . But i want to go to the movies one day this week, yes ? kay :D

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I can't breathe.

"This is for all those who search for something more
Never give up, never give in
When words have no meaning because your time in hell has left you cold and alone
What was thought to be good in the world gave you the back of their hand
The breath of life has become empty, without feeling
So you, bury your head and distance yourself
The dreams still wake you in tears and nightmares, battery and anguish
Tears, nightmares. Battery and anguish
All that's good in the world can be wrecked in such a short time
and then you'll wonder is the end near
Take a chance, just one time. Make ready your heart tonight
And you sing:
Is this the end? This is all I have
Love is here now that you're at your end. "

Here i am, choking on my own insides. This, this is my midnight fight. So close your eyes, shut your eyes to what the world says is correct ,to what the world puts on display but has no value. I see the most when my eyes are closed.
even when the loved are gone, we are never alone . They are in a place where they are more alive .

Ezekiel 36:26 "i will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; i will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


"You are precious in my sight. You are Mine.
His name is written on my forehead, and my name is written on the palm of His hand. He is mine, and I am His. 
so take my body if you please, and try, try and take all of me. but my soul He keeps. my soul He keeps. i am my Beloved's and he is mine.  
I don't want to waste my time living on the outside
I'm going to live from the inside out."

i just put bits of peices of videos that i had taken on my phone and stuf and mashed them together. i don't really care if it's pointless = P, but i figured i'd do something with them.
The movie Patch Adams has always been good, it makes me tear. i think i get way too into movies.  
And by chance,  who is going to the show with confide and hope for tomorrow on Tuesday ?

good times
i love you, and goodnight 

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Eternity is my Home

i can't pinpoint the place in which it all sprouted from, or why it even made me so upset today, although it's been lingering on my shoulders for quite a time now, and emerges at times. I was more sad, than angry honestly. I don't think i'll ever have that confidence i've always wanted with you or be able to bring anything to you that's on my  mind or heart, you just push it away. Today i guess it swelled in me while we were there. Maybe expressing when i'm hurt to you isn't the grandest idea anylonger, it feels like it just spreads the gap farther. Even though it used to tare me down, the bringing up of my past inflictions, or the putting down of my intentions and goal purposes, as easy as it would be to let myself drown in self pitty, to let my tongue totally fly off the handle, but i refuse to sink back down. It's not worth it.

i hope so much for you to inhale a breath of fresh air. to exhale what's become of it all. to be created anew, and step out of what you're used to. even though i feel pushed aside by you, i will bless you

 i might not meet up to your standards or the succession of what your perception of "success" is in life, and it's not that i  expect you to support or understand the things i choose to do with my life, but i just wish you knew how much it means to me, and knew the desire i have to pursue my purpose.  And that the goals i chase after might not give me a whole basket full of financial support ,or a stable, predictable, safe small box life, i don't want to waste my life piling up pride and fortune, things that don't matter and just get left behind. But i have faith for oppurtunities that will give me moments to impact, and oppurtunities to go everywhere, and experience things, feel incredible things, impact peoples lives for the better, ENJOY living, the things that reside and carry on for eternity ,that actually matter. whatever oppurtunities God gives me i'm going to run after. This won't be practical, This won't be easy, this won't be stable, i want to be shaken. I will no longer curl up in a comfort zone, or conform to the things of this world. 
On my own, in myself, i am not strong. He is the strength that lives in me . I used to try to build myself so high, so tough, but over and over all flesh will fail.

You said there was nothing left down here
Well I roamed around the wasteland
And I swear I found something
I found hope, I found God
I found the dreams of the believers

i have so much more i could say

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Your love is like the ocean

I'm drowning in your presence, getting lost in the gaze of your eyes.

we're finally in the new house, i'm so glad ( =
 no furniture yet though hah, but it's all good.
I haven't been able to post blogs really lately, these fast couple weeks were crazy full. But OneThing last weekend, was so incredible. I'm so ready to go again ,there's no place i love to be more than an atmosphere so strong and powerful, where anything can happen .
-i miss Chelsi = ( <3>
I'm going to write more in a bit, there's a choir thing today, and the elder ladies that were clogging at soundcheck were actually pretty good X P haha. 
Excuse me, I'm going to continue dancing wildly in this empty house.

want to dance a beautiful dance, want to drink from your cup of romance

Monday, April 13, 2009

Who made up these rules anyway ?

living in fear until we pull back the scab and show someone the wound. a sense of regret comes into play, it tries to put an anchor here, in fear. it fights for my mind, so it can lurk into my heart. it fights for our minds, so it can lurk into our  hearts.
I'm laying this down tonight.

"Let's do this for each other.    Let's do this for truth.    I give for you,   you give for me.    I give for you,   you give for me.
Let me take you somewhere,    Somewhere I cannot explain.
Let me take you, wanna take you,    Somewhere I cannot explain.
I'm stumbling right in front of you.    Now!    I won't refrain from guiding you there.
Normal's not so,
Normal is not so far.
Was it just a dream?   Or something much more?    We are not alone.    Since you agreed to follow.
It's all in my head,   if you want,   you can look inside.    There's nothing but red and all the mess I've been.
It's all in the way I say what I don't mean,   and mean what I don't.
I need to speak of you and what is real.
They will never understand,   What eats at our insides.   It's all in my head,   if you want,   you can look inside.
There's nothing but red and all the mess I've been.
It's all in the way I say what I don't mean,   and mean what I don't.
I need to speak of you."

the harmonies are alluring

Games that never amount
To more than themselves
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time, raise your hopeful voice
You had the choice, you've made it now

i've been writing down all my dreams i have in the middle of the night, and then i wake up and read it i'm like, that was crazy. i don't remember that = P. it's actually a fantastic thing to do .    sleep well <3

Saturday, April 11, 2009

oh, how i thirst for you

Yesterday my madre took me to see the house we're going to rent. To be honest, my favorite part about going was that there were peacocks there =O i was like whaaa, i love them XD . This morning people came to pick up all my furniture in my room we sold. so the room is completely vacant. i actually quite like living and sleeping in an empty room . I'm going to jacksonville for the weekend, i already miss the people i spent some of the week with . I hope you guys have a swell easter weekend =D

we should dance like this again ( =
" Though my body may perish , it is only a shadow. it's only a shadow."

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

When the flame is gone, the fire remains

Today , was incredible. I went to Braydenton or down by there with trevor and we visited some amazing people. we picked up Lucas who lives there and went to the beach. i got a lil tan eh? but that was from sunday at the beach when it was supa nice weather. But yeah today it was pretty cloudy, but none the less awesome, it was warm and all the wind actually made it so much better because it made huge waves, and we all just drifted out in them . Plus there wasn't anyone else really there. On our way back to the villages we all chilled and played music ,and Lucas is an amazing singer =o and brought along the guitar in the car. i enjoy car trips ( =
( i somehow always bring up the weather when i'm talking to someone , no i'm not old or have akward conversational issues i just happen to enjoy talking about it, and i love the florida sky )
The best part of the day was going to The Front which is like a youth outreach. I was so stirred throughout the night. when i'm at a place like that when i can just worship and move the way i want and freely , i'm just so moved by God. What can i say, i like to dance, to MOVE for real. I really didn't want to leave when we had to , but es pretty dang far away from here. But I' ll tell you what , I got messsed up tonight. i love being in a place where i can just scream my lungs out if i want to, like release. i feel so on fire , and when i left that place i decided i was taking the fire with me, and i'm not going back to what i used to be. being so timid, so constrained. And dragged out for so long on the same old crap that i thought had been wiped out , when all the while it was wiping me out. It'll still take time, but I was ready to release cause that's the only way i had to go, or else i'd be swinging downward. I was so tired of just being hindered by things ,when i wanted and needed to be somewhere real,  and to be someone real.  Not bored,  not fake , not religious , not bound by things. 
  i know at times we're all hypocrits and liars and sinners, but we're forgetting our forgiveness. and it's undying. 
The dude who spoke tnight , said everything crazy dead on, he was raw.

i've realized that i'm bad at explaining things, like when i'm talking to people in general. i like actually stutter hah, but i have so much i'd like to talk about, i just suck at puting things into words.  I love listening to people though, So let's hang.
Some things you just have to experience for yourself to know. No, everything really, i believe so

"With anything you're going after with a force of a hurricane , many people are not going to support you , they'll try to shut it down and tell you you're wrong. When all hell breaks loose against you, it's trying to distract you because it knows something amazing for you is about to happen . Some might not understand what you're doing with your life or with your decision, they'll do everything they can to keep you bound. "
I'm going to do radical things.

tomorrow or today since its already just about four a.m is going to be a blasty blast . thats sounds like julian haha . But i feel incredibly relaxed, and alive. .i'm thinking i should get me some shut eye now though. sleep good ! 
my eyes are closing

Sunday, April 5, 2009

And if i paint the sky with bronze

would it dry and keep you here tonight. 

I'm excited for this week  ( = . spring break will be great.
If i could drive right now i'd be going places on impulse in a split second and any given time of day. JULY =D want to join ?

On Monday hopefully going to the ocean with trevor and austin . know there'll be mexican fiesta music and latino rap dancing going down on that car trip no doubt. and i do not care what the weather people say. it shall be sunny, hot and unwindy !

"You loved it when my heart dropped, paused, stopped, and walked away
full of content that it went your way

these cuts that i've caused are never to deep to heal
peel back the bandage, see a scar from countless careless things

feel yourself drifting, pulled away

well nothing feels real anymore
i'm not taking my time anymore
to show you how i feel
to show you who i am
cause it's locked away

now head towards the light, the dark has no place here

the things we think about at night never lose taste
take the close to find something greater
this wall has finally reached its end
its higher ground, lets make a stand
did you ever think we would get this high
pull back the sheets to find a ending that you prayed for.

now head towards the light, the dark has no place here."

i had so much i was going to type here = P..but i don't feel like blahbling this morn( =
have a fantastic day <3

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The beach was nice, it mostly always is to me, if theres not many people there. i just wish it would've been hotter. it will soon though , summa! it stormed very much last night to though, which was quite fantastic. And i watched the divinci code, it kind of freaked me out, just that one albino creepy guy did, he was messed up. i love movies.
We've been packing all our things and getting ready to leave this house. I absolutely hate taking down all the things on my walls. all the pictures and paintings and letters and such. My walls look like naked ugly dead poop. lol, my walls are brown. why in the world did we paint them brown.
We were planning on definitely renting this house in Harbor Hills for sum months, but now they don't know ,cause my dad just got layed off his job. Lots of people are eh? 
My parents have been contemplating wether to move back to California . And they're saying we will if my dad gets the job there . But i can't be sure of what's going to happen as of now, the plan changes every other day as things come up, So alot is just in transition right now and don't know what to think of where we're going to go or anything like that. I just know that it'll all be good . i know everything in this world that's great, gets worse before it get's good. I like moving new places ( and for that reason my mom and cousin agreed i'd make a good military wife = P )
hm anyway...
i have to pee.

okay back .
don't you just hate when your foot falls asleep and you can't feel it, so you end up falling down?

And i'd like to add that me, sheri, austin, and olivias monty pithon and the holy grail scene for kubiks is going to be one of the best things ever. XD

I really want to get a job right now, to save up money for things i need to do.

"I have faith when i look in your eyes, i find peace when i'm in your presence,  you are my home."

sleep good.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I never want to stay at one place , as in, where i'm barely or just content with how things are. i just mean that, i'm choosing not to waste any more time out of my life, attempting to get everything right and content. because what is content compared to being free ? don't get me wrong, I'm not saying i don't need some things changed and made right in my life ( because i definitely do ) , or that i want things perfect or expect good things to always happen cause i don't, i just never want to be so comfortable or " content" that i start to sink down because of a lack of change and chances, or lack of taking advantage of oppurtunities.

i want radical things and moments to explode in my life.

i do know everything good or bad happens for a reason. and ya ya, i know, people have said it so much it's almost a cliche, and if so, a true one. believe me, I've had things happen or have done things that i'm like, why would this happen, and if it all happens for a reason, what GOOD reason is going to come out of sumthing like this happening? i'm no good with using words. I've tried to explain how i think about sumthing wether i've repeated it several times but not even just writing it can i fully get across even half my point or whatever = P. ha, i'm bad at this right.

Last night the tdwp, adtr, emarosa concert was amazing, not gonna lie. i get so into it. i don't understand how people can just go and NOT get into it.. it's really a shame. you went there to see the band and hear their music and you just want to stand there with your arms crossed = P that makes alot of sense. but hey, it's whatever . As for me i get consumed in the atmosphere, and can't help but dance and whatever other seizure type moves my body releases XD. I wasn't even very tired today, i think being in places where i can release makes me feel refreshed.

my mom got me this vase at a store, and i saw it sitting on my shelf when i woke up, and it i was like D= WHAT THE HECK IS THIS... ha X P. isnt it creepy?! i think so.
Image Hosted by

sleep good .

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The sunlight pours from his face

when your body's so cold , but is sweating all the heat out of you, how just one hand upon your back quickly warms your veins and the heat just sinks through ,just that one place the heat hits it just makes you forget everywhere else your shivering. And you crave it. He's like wind. He's like rain. He's like fire. He is light. The sunlight pours from his face.

This day was nice. i got shoes at sum flea market for a dolla  = O yeh. The puppies there were ohmy adorable,  hopefully i can get one when we move in april = D

Especially this morning, was amazing. I went to Ohop with shawna and Trev. 
I cried waterfalls in praise and worship after the service, I lose myself in that.I love hearing peoples testimonies, and this guys was intense.
I feel beyond inspired , to go out and do amazing things in this world. I know what i'm meant to do, and it's my hearts desire to go after it in every way i can , dive all the way in. i'm so driven by this.
I want to see things , feel things i never knew.
We all have the ability to go out and do such amazing things, but i think sadly nuff so many people i feel waste time with jobs they hate, with not being heard, with selling themselves short for sumthing less than what they're capable of having and experiencing, with being safe or scared, or just being plain bored with their life and with anything.

-It's frustrating, when your whole day is sumtimes going so well, and you feel refreshed, and then you go to back the house, back to the yelling, or sumthing or sumone just cuts it deep enough to make it all feel like, the one actually satisfying day just got ruined, like the peace can never seem to keep up or stay with you.. and it gets frustrating when you feel so builded up ( i just said builded? ) , but at the end of the day something tries to come against that. 
But right at the point when i was about to lose it,  it hit me,  how i can't keep letting it take it away from me, or i'd never get anywhere. i'd just keep being built up, and torn down. and i was giving into , all those other days and moments i just let fly off the handle, when i could have made sumthing better of it. 
"They'll put all their efforts into stopping you".it's a choice and a split second to decide wether i'm going to defeat it, or let it swallow me. 

I just want to go everywhere .  So let's go .

and this is good music. 

( = later

Saturday, March 21, 2009

it's cold in the shade, let's move to the sun

He set fire upon the house, so many told him to put it out and threw buckets of water. They had no doubt that the walls would burn down. " Put it out ! you're scorhcing yourself." And through all he stood , staying strong. The water was defeated by flames, and their shouts were consumed by his faith. Even if their intentions were what they thought were best for him, he couldn't live with always running from the fire. 
The next day the house was in ruins, as people walked by, they wondered with intense curiousity how possibly he could have put the raging fire out so quickly, and by himself, and so they brought the questions to him, and this is what he spoke, " I waited till the dawn in the earliest of hours of the morning, of the mourning, I waited till the fire decayed every wall, every molding, every door,  then i swallowed the flames, the fire now lives and grows and consumes all of me. This house is burnt down, for now it is a home. a home which i had lacked of for so long, My flesh is not scorched, nor is my tongue fried. My heart is on fire, and which was once a house, is now a home." 

i just felt like typing that. today was fine, can't complain ( = 
I'm looking forward to tomorrow though, going to ohop, cutting ryans hair, hopefully seeing chelsi dearest, youth, and whatever else comes up.

 I'm up for anything that happens unexpected.

i've really liked this song for quite a while, the original by damien rice is good to. i love playing it on piano.

sleep good ( =

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Some will seek forgiveness, others escape

Remembering back to, not that long ago, i was completely confused. Forgive me if i'm guilty to blame for all of this.. But i believe my heart was in the right place. You told me once to stay away from you, and i told you i'd take a step but wasn't going anywhere, because i believed it wasn't your heart, the way you were being. That i wasn't going to just leave you, my best friend cause you called me a few names, or stood there while you screamed at me. But when you said you wanted me out of your life the next time, I assumed i was your misery, and so we walked away. And maybe i am the one to blame, i'm willing to accept that even if it's not mine.
but now it seems as if your someone who's so far from the truth, and maybe we all are.
i pray you won't be taken over by this pride that's wrapped around you.
i pray you'll find your heart again, and that you'll find someone to confide in..

Maybe he told you truths that you didn't want to believe. Maybe in your mind this whole thing grew like a nasty monster, infesting the whole situations into something much bigger and grosser than it all really was.
Since when did you have the right to give me the ultimatum of choosing you as a friend, or the rest of my friends. Forget fairness, how is that even right ?
i always wondered if there was something i could've done more, i could've done better or should've been there for you more. It's as if you want people have to constantly prove themselves to you. 
Sorry , I'm just writing what i'm thinking,  who am i to blame anyone else.
There's so much more i could say, but i'll bite my tongue.

I'm sorry if i ever wronged anyone, or came across the wrong way. Nothing i'm saying is in hate, it's just in all honesty.
And I've forgiven you, even if you say you have nothing to be sorry for.
I pray that our hurting will be healed.
Why is this such a big mess ? We were all so close

Why do people care so much what someone does to them? If someone wrongs you, that's their choice and you can't change that person. So why let it completely bring you down, people are always going to fail you one way or another. They come in and out of your life and make a good impact, or leave you with bruises.
I've heard so many people say " i can't trust this person anymore". And it makes me think, trust isn't believing that someone is never going to fail you or believing that theyre always going to do the right thing at the right time. But trust is rather trusting that they're doing sumthing for the right reason, no matter what it is. atleast that's what it is to me.
it's a shame we have wasted and waste so much time and life on insane complex situations. How is that a way to live
( and no this isn't directing towards what i was writing about before)

I always learn different point of views on so many things i thought i knew so well. It's what keeps me going.

I have a feeling this weekend is going to be fantastic, i can feel it in me bones X )

Goodmornin ( = i woke up kind of late today, i just feel so drained or sumthing this week. 
I'm excited to hava blog = D but i have so many things and thoughts and crap to write, i don't know where to start. anyway,i bet i'm going to be late for school today.

" Our bodies all die, the goal isn't to live forever , the goal is to create something that will." 
Image Hosted by